I have a 6-week-old baby. It’s 3:30 am and I’m attempting to rock her to sleep for the 8th time already tonight. If I place her in her bassinet, she unleashes screams that no living being with such small lungs should logically be able to produce. She’s possibly loud enough to wake the dead in this town and the next two over. I’ve forgotten what sleep is. Also I’m out of caffeinated drinks. Please send help.

“Hello fellow American. This you should vote me. I leave power. Good. Thank you, thank you.”