I’d eat a burger called “Hammy McBurger”.

McDonalds! Get on this! Forget your stupid monopoly game!

Just bring back the Arch Deluxe, call it the Hammy McBurger. Market it as “Life is stupid, nothing makes sense. Now eat a Hammy McBurger! Consume!!!”

It’s one banana! How much could it possibly cost? $10?

Maybe they’re just going through a drought. Just need some rain…purple rain!

…Prince? Anybody remember Prince? No? Ok. I’m old. I remember watchig the OJ Simpson car chase live on tv.

OJ Simpson. He was a football player in NFL. Then he “allegedly” but absolutely did kill his wife. It was a whole thing. Norm McDonald loved joking about murder.

Especially inside the toilet.

Wait, that was season 7? The sponge was discontinued in 1994. Seinfeld debuted I think in 1990. That means the sponge episode was 3 years after the discontinuement of the sponge!

You want someone to test your games for ways to break it? I know just the guy!

“Hey there, it’s Josh. Today we’re checking out The Milgram Experiment. Thank you devs for the complimentary game code. This is a horror/moral choice simulator. And we all know how trustworthy MY morals and choices are! But enough about that, it’s time for NEW GAME!!!”

20 minutes later

“Well, everything’s on fire. Everyone’s dead. And the frame rate is a staggering 3 frames per year! So that seems like a great place to call it a day. I hope you had fun, I know I did, and I’d like to thank the devs for this copy of their broken game. I’ll see ya next time!”

Don’t mind if I do!

…oops. Yes I did.

I remember when GTA 5 came out, everybody was excited. San Andreas had been HUGE. Both in map size, and in game sales.

I bought it day 1. Then the PS4 came out, and GTA5 for PS4. By this point we all knew what GTA5 was.

My friend wanted so badly for me to buy a PS4, just to buy GTA 5 again, just so he’d have someone to play with.

Then PS5 came out. Same story.

I actually bought a PS4 at some point. Regret it. Barely ever played it.

Then I bought a PS5. Regret it. Barely ever play it.

And now that I know how microtransaction laiden GTA is, I’ll be skipping GTA6 entirely.

Now I see them firing a bunch of people. A few days later I see GTA6 is delayed until this time next year.

Why would anyone be excited for a series that now peaked 21 years ago, and has only had 1 other release in that time?

Oh, look at mr fancy pants! With his “air” he can afford to fry! Must be nice to afford all that air…

With RFKjr in charge of health and human services, is this even satire? Or is it a spoiler?

It was actually unrelated. He just got a call that unlimited popcorn shrimp was back at Red Lobster for a limited time.

Edit: People downvoting me must have tried to go to Red Lobster, only to realize it’s not back in their area. And now they’re mad at me for getting them hungry.

This please! Disband ICE!

A cop? Lying? I don’t think thats legal. And cops are there to enforce the law…therefore, cops good. Right?

…guys?

Oh come on. It’s my first day on earth, and I’m not yet capable of critical thinking. Therefore, I can only say opinions based on nothing, and argue them as fact. If you argue back, I’ll argue louder! Because as we all know, the loudest opinion is right! And who’s louder than me? I’m an American! We’re known for our being the only place on earth. And therefore everybody is right! Except for the people who argue with me. They’re clearly wrong.

TOAST IS BETTER THAN BREAD!!!

Ummmmm, nobody gives a shit if EA keeps creative freedom. Nobody likes EA. EA aquires creative studios, takes their IPs, steps on the throats of creative giants who made name value for something, and then laughs as they add borderline mandatory paid DLC, and laughs as they destroy properties.

If this new owner does literally nothing besides buy smaller studios, and leave them alone to do what they want, it’s an improvement.

I remember in 1993 my dad tried saying that video games make kids violent.

For anyone too young to pick up on the obvious situation here, 1993 was the year the media started looking at games like Mortal Kombat, and saying video games are violence simulators. In those days, news was different. Today there’s heavy bias in reporting. Watching the same story from 2 different reporting sources will often paint a vastly different picture. In those days however it wasn’t nearly the issue it is today. Fox News didn’t exist yet I don’t think. And even when it first started, it wasn’t what it would later become.

The news was just the news. And the news was saying video games make kids violent. My dad was doing the modern day equivilant of parroting fox news talking heads points. No opinion of his own. Just parroting the news.

So when he said that video games make kids violent, I said “Dad, I have 3 games. Sonic 2, Madden 93, and Jurassic Park. By your logic, I should be a star athlete who can play in the NFL, who runs so fast that I become a blur , and is also a velociraptor. Teenagers in the early 80s would be great at tennis, crossing the road quickly, and know how to shoot down UFOs.”

He had no rebuttal, because nobody on the news made those arguements.

You know…birds are actually very intelligent. And some of them actually are very good at remembering faces.

Crows will even teach their young who they trust, and who to divebomb.

Now you may be thinking that I’m going to say that crows teach their young to poop on your car. But that’s not true. Birds don’t have a spincter. Which means they can’t close their butthole.

Basically if a bird has to poop, there is a 100% chance they are pooping right now. So no. Birds cannot target you with their poop.

What they can do however is refuse to send you an invitation to the social event of the season. The “Going South Gala”. Where we all gather at the park, and engage in random groupings of people to perform oral sex on each other while birds watch and rate our performances. And thats not even to speak of the grandest gathering of the year, The Grand Big Ball. We get 1000 guys, and 2000 girls. The girls group up, two to a guy. One girl on each ball. And they suck and lick, and compete with each other over who’s the BJ queen.

Then the birds all rate the girls. The girl with the lowest score is then divebombed by all the birds until she’s dead. What? You never heard of a murder of crows before? Oh what am I saying? You don’t get to go to The Grand Big Ball!

Silly me!

I’m so lost. Who is this? What’s the context?

Still are.

Sure, the ruling says they CAN be arrested for doing illegal things. But are they going to be? Cop sees ICE beating down a brown person. Is the cop going to run over and arrest them?

Or will they assist ICE?