I’m pregnant again and I guess I’m looking to vent and maybe for some affirmation.
This is my second baby, but it’s my fourth time doing the first trimester. We’ve suffered two losses.
I’m only 7w5d and I’m already so tired of being pregnant. I’m awfully sick all day every day and I’m crazy tired no matter how much sleep I manage to get. I’m doing my best to meet my toddler’s needs.
I just hate this and because of my losses I feel so guilty hating every minute of it. There’s nothing beautiful about this. I just feel nausea all day long, I throw up every morning, I cry at every stupid thing, and I’m dog tired. Every smell is overwhelming to me and most food disgusts me and I’m too tired to make myself anything to eat, so I’m always hungry.
I wish I could tell everyone I come into contact with as an excuse for my exhaustion and low effort, but I know how much I won’t want to talk about it if anything should happen so I’m pretty stuck there.
I just hate it and I wish more often the media would be honest about how doggone awful it is. Nothing is working to relieve my nausea. The thought of ginger makes me puke from trying that for my morning sickness so much last time.
I guess that’s all. Ain’t being a woman grand.
I feel you. And yeah! That first bit is the worst! You are tired to levels beyond human comprehension. I’ll be thinking of you, wishing you well.
I don’t know if it helps if I share my story, in solidarity, too…
Sensitive subjects discussed below:
I’ve had 6 pregnancies all up, 3 to full term. The last time I found out I was pregnant I cried for 2 weeks straight. I was done with babies, I was on a career trajectory, my ex tampered with birth control. I ended up going full term.
2 of the pregnancies I ended by choice and one had been 5 months earlier. The guilt of not being able to bring a pregnancy to full term and having to end a pregnancy, made the decision so hard. I just couldn’t end another one. Plus My previous pregnancies had been so very hard on my body, and I had had a hugely traumatic birth, just previously. Giving birth isn’t described as terrifying and dangerous, as it really is. Although I had my easiest pregnancy and birth, when I had no abusive ex around.
I chose to continue that last pregnancy, but it meant sacrificing my career, and then doing 2 little ones alone, (my eldest was grown by that stage) because I was finally able to escape the abusive relationship (not that he was ever any help) but also I have no family support and he had isolated me, so no friends. There is not adequate support, necessary, for parents.
I still think about the ones I lost and couldn’t have. I support my choices at the time, but it’s hard. It’s so hard. It makes me so angry, on a molecular level, that abortion is described as a flippant thing, (absolutely no shade to people who don’t struggle emotionally with ending an unwanted pregnancy, it’s just cells dividing, at that stage, essentially). It’s just another thing that’s so hugely misrepresented.
If they were truthful and honest about pregnancy, in movies, maybe we would feel like we could make more of an an informed decision, and society wouldn’t be so flippant about what we do with our bodies, if more of the consequences were known, or talked about. I can’t even imagine a world where the support necessary for all that a body goes through, was there and readily available.
I dream of building a village.
Your ex tampered with birth control?? Wtf. No wonder they’re an ex. Who in their right mind does that?
Building a village… I agree. It’s what we should do, being there for each other in solidarity, through good and bad times.